In an unpredictable and imperfect world, it would be unfair to think that life should always offer peace and unhappiness. I have learned that I tend to grow more when I experience seasons of turmoil and unease.
Maybe you can relate to this, but I often have the unrealistic expectation that the emotional condition of my life should mirror the weather in San Diego, California. If life is not 68 degrees and sunny, then I begin to grow angry, discontent, and resentful.
About a year ago, I noticed that I had a big problem with resentment. It was in this season of life, where I realized that I had to let go of the anger I had towards my ex if I ever wanted to heal. Life was chaotic, and the waves were crashing. I needed to get a grasp on my emotional state if I were ever to gain control of my life.
Then one day, I thought of a simple exercise that I wanted to try. I decided to visit the Dollar Store and bought a white ceramic plate and a Sharpie marker. When I arrived home, I began to write my resentments towards my ex on this plate as a symbol of surrendering my ill feelings.
A funny thing happened as I wrote the words on the plate. I began to think about additional resentments that I harbored towards family members, coworkers, neighbors, and people that I didn't know. I feverishly began to cover the white plate with black ink. For the next few weeks, I began to unload the weight of my resentments on this plate. I began to write over top of other resentments until my once white plate was a solid black.
This simple exercise opened my eyes because I couldn't believe how much I had held on to. Whether it was being cheated on, talked poorly about, or being cut off in traffic, each resentment was like an object placed in a box that I could no longer carry.
My resentments didn't affect others the way that it affected me. In fact, many of my perceived "offenders" were utterly oblivious to my feelings. If I were to begin the process of healing, then I needed to let go of getting even or an apology. It was me who needed to change.
My plate sat in the corner of my room, gathering dust for months, as I marinated and thought about what to do next. Then one cool summer evening, I decided that it was time to give my resentments back to God. I walked briskly through the dark streets of my town when I came to an abandoned parking lot, which was now my forum to surrender my "box" of resentments and anger.
I thought about my ex, how much my divorce hurt, and the mistakes we both made. I thought about the things I took personally at work, the people I was hurt by, and also hurt.
Strong emotions like a tidal wave began to swell inside of me, as I grabbed my plate and slammed it to the ground as hard as I could. In an instant, the plate and the heavy burden on my soul shattered. I felt a sense of relief as I symbolically let go.
I will not be naive and say that everything has been perfect since I wrote those words or smashed that plate. My emotional state still fluctuates between high and low tides; however, breaking that plate taught me the importance of surrendering our resentments and anger daily. I have found that when I do this, the tidal waves don't seem so bad, and I am a much better human being because of it.
So let me ask you, are you willing to smash your plate?
