My journey was smoothly unfolding as each mile passed; however, it abruptly ended when I came upon a small group of inexperienced bicyclists, who were blocking an intersection. As if on queue, I felt myself steaming with annoyance at the inconvenience of a blocked intersection, which could be blamed on their lack of control and awareness. I angrily swerved off of the path and jumped over a sidewalk curb to make my point. I was going to show them!
That's when I suddenly felt my back tire blow out, which unleashed a volcano of pent up annoyance, resentment, and blame rose to the surface. I was five miles away from my car, had no spare tire, and had no one to call for help. I was powerless.
Powerless
Have you ever felt the powerlessness that I felt? Life is going well and then the gates of hell unleash a fury of problems, inconveniences, and crises. Although our challenges all take different forms, we all share the common bond of wanting to be in control. Difficult seasons in life sometimes appear out of nowhere, which makes it difficult to feel in command.
We are creatures of habit and need to feel like the captain of our own lives. The reality is that we are not fully in control. We take risks and place ourselves at the mercy of life each time we open our eyes, leave our front door, and even go to the grocery store. We have control in proactively changing our diet and lifestyle to prevent cancer, heart disease, or diabetes; however, we cannot fully guarantee that we will not experience these difficulties.
Although you might not be struggling with an addiction, there is wisdom in the first step in most 12-step recovery programs. We admit that we are powerless. This is not a license for learned helplessness. No. Many have found that it is a ticket towards freedom. When we can admit that we are not in control of everything, we begin to shed the stress associated with controlling the impossible and focusing on the things we can control.
When I started adopting this mindset, I began to realize how much stress I placed on myself trying to control life or someone else's response. I began to see the ticket to freedom was controlling my attitude, reactions, and behavior.
We cannot control the responses of difficult people in our lives, but we can take proactive steps in how we react. We can calm ourselves through breathing techniques, prayer, and meditation. We can work on building a toolbox of strategies for dealing with hurdles when they arise. We can get ourselves mentally prepared for the challenges of the day. Whatever our response, one thing holds true - we are powerless over life and can only control ourselves.
If you are going through a difficult season in life, realize that it is ok. We all go through different seasons of dysfunction, chaos, and hurt. You will get through this one way or another. You might not have any control over your circumstances; however, you do have control over your reaction. Give up control of the things you cannot change and change the things you can.
You will be stronger and wiser because of this.
The Journey Back
I have to admit that it was difficult to not let my pride and ego get in the way as I sat on the side of the road with a flat tire. People were speeding by on their bikes and I felt myself growing angry, bitter, and resentful because I was the only one experiencing difficulty on this path. I felt my problem was magnified as people stared at me and as they sped by without even offering to help.
That was when I made the decision to stop my sulking. I could not control that my parents were in quarantine due to COVID, my girlfriend was 45-minutes away, and that none of my friends were available. I was alone and could sit in a pity party or do something. I couldn't control any of my circumstances, but I could stop wasting time and start walking.
Something interesting happened when I abandoned my need for pity and began walking the five-mile trek back to my car. I began to see this as an opportunity to clear my head, take time to take in all of the beauty of nature, and talk to God. I began to think about areas of my life that I needed to work on, which were damaging my relationships and progress as a human.
I learned something important that night. Sometimes life's inconveniences or pitstops are exactly what we need when we need them.
