Grateful for the Journey
I was in a relationship with an amazing woman, who was kind, caring, and had a fantastic personality. Unfortunately, things didn't quite work out, and that's ok. It's no one's fault, but I am grateful for the journey.
In the past, I would grow bitter, angry, and hurt when people would leave my life, get too busy, or appear to forget about me. I realized that I often had unrealistic expectations, which caused me to be judgemental, self-consumed, and egotistical. This recent breakup taught me a valuable lesson - be grateful for the journey.The fact is that people come and go from our lives, but we have to be grateful that they were able to walk with us through our journey. No matter how long or short, each interaction with a person has the potential to change our lives forever.
Although I hurt her by removing myself from the relationship, I am grateful for her friendship and the lessons that she taught me.
She taught me how to communicate, enjoy life, and laugh again. She taught me that everyone has a story and that relationships are more than the superficial things our world emphasizes. She helped me begin to find my confidence again and proved to me that I am worthy of being cared about.
Our journey together revealed many things about myself that would not have emerged without a relationship. I was surprised at how unprepared I was for the relationship I was in.
You're Never Quite Prepared
Are you like me? Do you imagine a location where you will suddenly be "there" and you will have suddenly arrived? Do you think that you will be totally prepared for a new relationship or the challenges associated with life?To be honest, you are never quite "there," but you can keep moving forward or fall into a tidal wave of confusion and bitterness.
Each day is either a step in the right or wrong direction. You will fall down at times, but the successful person is the one who gets up one more time than they fall. How do you get up? You learn and move on.
I learned several things about me that need to change.
1. My heart needs to change.
Relationships reveal the cuts and bruises in our lives that may be invisible to the naked eye. No matter how good a relationship is, it adds additional stressors and pressures. It is in this season that I learned that my heart needs to change.
I realized that I still had a lot of hurt and insecurities, which influenced my superficial ideas about relationships, impaired my decision-making, and reduced my ability to truly accept others. I could not truly love someone else if my heart wasn't right. It would be unfair to that person and myself.
If I am going to succeed in being the best person I need to be, I need to let go and let my heart heal.
2. I Need to be a Better Listener
I ran into a friend of mine the other day, who shared with me that he is learning to be a better listener. It made me think about what a poor listener I am at times, especially when I care more about my self-preservation and ego. How often do I ignore what others are saying because I want to say something intelligent or will make me look better?
Truly listening to others, was of the biggest struggles in my marriage and previous relationships. I would often dominate a conversation with my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It would alienate others and monopolize the conversation. It would create impatience within myself, tension, misunderstandings, and the potential to jump to conclusions.
I need to intentionally stop and truly listen.
3. How Will Your Process Your Pain?
I recently had a friend who went through a tough breakup. They were in love with the person they were with and unfortunately, the other person did not feel the same way, so the relationship ended.
Unfortunately, my friend has turned to social media as a campaign for sympathy from their hundreds of social media friends. There's nothing wrong with turning to friends for help and posting to social media - I do that too; however, it can be very unhealthy when we expect others to make us happy. In my humble opinion, I am concerned about my friend because it is reaching an unhealthy level.
That was how I processed things in the past too. Especially when my divorce ended in being rejected by my ex.
Although I was the one to end my recent relationship, I was surprised at how much it hurt me. I really cared about this woman, but I knew that it was in our best interest to end our time together.
However, I decided to take a different approach than I typically would take. First, I enlisted the support of a few close friends, whom would help support me through a difficult situation. This is not something I normally do, but we are not meant to do life alone. No Tweet or Facebook Post can take the place of a face-to-face conversation, walk, or phone call with someone you care about.
Secondly, I decided to connect with myself and my Creator. I have been intentionally taking the time to connect with myself and God, as a way to hit the reset button. If I am going to be able to love somebody else, I need to first love my God and myself. I am praying that God will make me willing to be willing to surrender to Him. It is when we surrender that true growth happens.
Third, I realized that I need routine in my life. I am starting to rebuild simple routines like reading, praying, writing, working out, eating right, and making time for friendships. These routines will help me grow.
Fourth, I am learning to be grateful. I am taking inventory of all of the things that I am thankful for in life, my current and previous relationships with people, and how amazing my life is and will be.
Finally, I am learning that I am not perfect. Success is getting up more times than you fall. I am learning to pick myself up and begin again. I made a lot of mistakes and will continue to make a lot of mistakes, but I am thankful that God is patient with me.
Conclusion
If you are going through a breakup or divorce, let me encourage you to look for ways to grow and find something to be grateful about. It really makes a tremendous difference. The fact is - we are all works in progress. We are not perfect; however, we can use pain and hurt for good - only if we use it wisely.
If we turn our hurt into a long-term social media or PR campaign, we ended up hurting ourselves and others in the future. I want to encourage you to connect with a few close friends and family members. Connect with yourself and your Creator. Look for things that you need to change and look for ways to grow. This is not the end! It is actually just the beginning of your new journey.
