I like the show because each character has its own quirks and shortcomings. Just take a look at any workplace, family, or church, and you will find a Dwight Schrute, Jim, Pam, Creed, and Stanley.The lead character Michael Scott, played by Steve Carell, is by of the most awkward and politically incorrect people on the show; however, you can't help but feel sorry for him at times. Michael just doesn't fit.
In one episode, in particular, Michael shares a video of himself as a child on a children's TV show. He is awkwardly dressed up in a suit, while the other children are in regular street clothes. When asked about what he wants to be when he grows up someday, he tells the character on the show how he wants to get married and have children so that he will never be alone.
Whenever I watch that episode, I feel sorry for Michael, but I also begin feeling sorry for myself because I can relate to the pain and isolation his character feels; however, should we stay in a season of self-pity? I don't think so, which is why I wanted to share with you some lessons that I have learned this week.
Being Honest
I wonder how many of us feel similar at times. What's really behind all of the clothes, cars, houses, makeup, haircuts, and Instagram posts? What if we took a few moments to be completely honest with ourselves and those we trust? What would we say? What would we do?
This notion came to me just this morning as I sat in a room full of guys in a weekly group that I attend. I felt like an imposter because I could not relate to all of the "great" things that were happening in their lives. I found myself feeling invisible, inferior, and unaccepted.
I wish that I could say that this was an isolated incident; however, this week has been filled with opportunities to feel sorry for myself, question my purpose, and question relationships with others.
How do you deal with this? How do you get through those moments when you feel weak and inferior? I am learning a few things that I would like to share.
Idea # 1 - Get Rid of "Only" Thinking
I had the opportunity to introduce myself at a professional meeting the other day and mentioned that "I am only a(n)" and filled in my job title. This type of thinking often gets me in trouble because it is disguised as being "humble," yet it is degrading and self-condemning. How often do you mention that you are "only" a mother, father, teacher, sales associate, Christian, non-Christian, man, or woman? You are worth way more than that.
Perhaps we don't identify with the words "only," but we are always apologizing. We may constantly feel like we are in the way, don't do things correctly, don't have the best ideas, etc.
When we think and feel this way, I have noticed that it has a tendency to repel others and create even more isolation in our lives. It is like an invisible sign that we lacked confidence and do not hold self-worth. This is a lie because we all have value and worth.
Idea # 2 - Check Your Own Yard Stick
My father had an expression growing up that always would drive me nuts, but held so much truth, "If others don't measure up, then it is time to check your own yardstick."
This expression means so much more to me as I am older because I realize that the times when I feel the most isolated and unsatisfied, are the times when others simply do not measure up. It was in these moments when I hand unhealthy expectations of others that no one could meet.
When I have felt the most inferior and isolated, I had found that I had taken things too personally when my needs and expectations were not met. I had to come to terms that I am responsible for communicating my needs and releasing the expectation that all of my wants should be met.
I am learning this week to pause, take a deep breath, and release others from being the only source of my happiness and validation. I realize that if I want to connect with others, I need to first get things right with my Creator and myself.
Idea # 3 - Five Why's
I have personally found that getting to the root of what I am dealing with makes it easier to deal with resentment, hurt, and unrealistic expectations. I tend to ask myself why's 5 times, to get to the root of the problem.
For example, I had a person whom I found that I had a lot of resentment towards. Why did I feel this way about this person? This person just irritated me and rubbed me the wrong way.
Why did this bother me? I didn't like this person because I felt like they were better than me.
Why did I feel this way? I saw that they had a much better life than me. They had money, a marriage, a successful career, self-confidence, good looks, everyone loved them, and nothing wrong ever seemed to happen to them.
Why did this bother me? Because I found myself filled with jealousy because I was comparing my life to their life. The comparison stirred up resentment about their intact family, beautiful house, and successful career.
Why was I jealous? Because I secretly felt inferior compared to this person; however, I began to think about how life might not be as great for this person as I might have thought. What was the cost of their career drive on their family? What was the effect of having everything on the condition of their heart?
Idea # 4 - Get Out of Yourself
When I am self-consumed, I tend to think poorly of others, harbor resentments, become overly sensitive, and become very cold towards others. My ego wants to protect myself through isolation; however, doing the exact opposite tends to bring life.
I have found that getting out of myself in these moments is actually a great way to get myself right with the world again. It is in these moments of self-pity and isolation, that I have started to look for ways to place an unselfish focus on others.
I text a word of encouragement or pick up the phone. I try to find ways to do something for someone else, like opening up a door or offering a helping hand. I might even pray for someone to be blessed with a good parking spot.
The idea is that it doesn't have to be anything significant; however, temporarily taking the emphasis off of ourselves and onto another person is not only healing but very satisfying.
It has been very interesting to watch this very imperfect process in my life. When I have done this, it has changed my heart and outlook towards other people, myself, and my problems.
Conclusion
I want to encourage you to realize that it is ok to feel isolated and awkward at times, but do not let this deter you from understanding your actual value. It might sound cliche, but you do have a purpose for being on this Earth.
Other people are not meant to be your only source of validation. Instead, you must begin to see value in yourself by understanding the value in other people. Avoid the comparison game, and genuinely look for ways that you want others to be blessed. It is in these moments when you begin to see the blessings in your own life and begin to not feel so alone.
